Soundtrack: Help---The Beatles
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Bill had to laugh at himself, "You're right, Pat. I guess I'm taking this non-fraternization thing too seriously... it's just that... it is a big deal for me. I mean... I'm going to confess this to you now, here, where I feel safe... it's a big problem for me." Of course, he was careful not to let on to her that, at the moment, it was she who was the object of his problematic libido.
They started to walk, side by side toward Bill's house and, as they did so, Bill began to tell Pat some of what had been plaguing him for years... regarding co-eds and their infatuations... and his temptations. He knew he couldn't tell her everything... certainly not about the temptation he'd felt toward her earlier... he had to be careful not to say anything that she'd take as a come-on... and so he wasn't sure how detailed he should get... especially about the weaknesses of his own flesh.
"It's been a struggle for me since I joined the faculty here five years ago. And... sometimes I think I've got it handled, but then something happens to shake my confidence. Like, tonight... uhm...."
Bill stopped. Pat was looking at him, warily... or was it eagerly? Shit! He was fucking up! He had to be more careful in choosing his words! He couldn’t say anything that would reveal to Pat his sexual attraction to her. There lay real danger!
No undergraduate had ever shaken Bill’s confidence in his ability to overcome his attraction to her; the taboo of having sex with undergrads was just too strong. But Pat was another story; she was a woman, a brilliant one, not some undergraduate bimbo half his age.
An idea struck him. He'd “illustrate” his problem by telling Pat about his attraction to some undergraduate filly, say Christine, and exaggerate it. This would disguise his attraction to Pat... and it would put her off... if it were true that she was having similar feelings about him. Sure, he'd try it.
"...uhm... I mean tonight at the party... did you see those girls who were all over me most of the evening?"
"Yes...?" Pat seemed perplexed, or was it disappointed? He wished he could read her better. There was something inscrutable about Pat, something that made it hard for Bill to penetrate (Oh God! Now he was thinking in double entendres)... to her feelings.
Bill decided to just continue and hope that Pat would soon realize that he was determined to steer away from any talk about their relationship beyond the professional level. "Well... this is hard for me... there was one of these girls ... uhm... Christine’s her name..."
Clearly unhappy about this, Pat asked, "The truly beautiful, tall one?””
He nodded, lowering his eyes to suggest embarrassment.
Pat smirked. “No need to say 'blonde,' is there? They all were. But I think I know which one you mean. The one who had you in her thrall after midnight?".
It was working! Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone this way. Pat and her razor-sharp mind could help him solve his little problem with Christine, and, in so doing, without her realizing it, she would also be helping to prevent them both — Pat and him — from making a big mistake!
"O.K. Pat. If it was that obvious, then I'm really in trouble this time. Look! Sure, I've been tempted before, but now I'm afraid I might succumb. No. I haven't slept with her... yet... but I'm really afraid that could happen... real soon. As you saw, I was smitten and she... it's been clear to me that she'd set her sights on seducing me the first moment she set foot in my class in September. Naturally, at first I totally ignored her transparent come-ons. I mean, as you know, I'm totally used to co-eds' infatuations with me and, I think I've become a kind of expert at redirecting this transference to more appropriate educational ends. Unfortunately, with Christine, it's precisely this route that led to tonight's close encounter with the ethical border of student-teacher relationships. It turns out that Christine is brilliant! Not only that, but her interest in last term's course was genuine and her work was filled with an integrity and energy I've never before… err… rarely encountered with any undergraduate, let alone a gorgeous blond nymphet of eighteen."
Of course, Bill knew he was really just disguising some of his feelings and thoughts about Pat, but he felt pretty sure she had no inkling that this was the case. Pat was anything but a gorgeous blond nymphet of eighteen!
Pat stopped walking and looked into Bill's face, "Boy, Bill, you are in trouble!"
Bill sighed and looked away, staring at the ground. Pat's comment had pierced his optimism of a second ago when he thought he was fooling her. She might be fooled, but he wasn't fooling himself, not one bit. He was in trouble... and not because of Christine, but because his feelings for Pat were deepening by the moment. "I know, Pat, I know," he murmured.
Bill looked up. The sky was brightening noticeably and the fog was beginning to lift. Glancing around, he realized that they were just a block from his house and that this conversation wasn't helping him at all. It was depressing him. Besides, he wanted to get inside the house before people could see them in the fast-approaching daylight. "Say, Pat, we're almost at my place... let's continue this conversation there, O.K.?"
Pat replied, simply, "Sure, Bill. Sure," and then fell silent, as Bill had done.
The two of them walked the final block to Bill's house in silence. They turned in at his front walk without Bill even raising his head to check to see if they were being watched by anyone. He was totally bummed out. Up the walk. Porch stairs. Front door, unlocked. Lights on all over the house. Odor of stale beer, cigarettes, and a trace of marijuana. No one there. Oh... yes. Someone passed out in Bill's reading chair. Carl Schofield. Snoring. Completely out cold.
Links
Sexual relations between college students and their teachers
The Beatles (Buy CDs of their albums)
Go to the next scene in Bill's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Bill, Scene 9 "What a Mess!"
Go to the previous scene in Bill's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Bill, Scene 7 "In a State of Confusion"
Go to a related scene
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 9 "The Enigma That is Bill"
Bill had to laugh at himself, "You're right, Pat. I guess I'm taking this non-fraternization thing too seriously... it's just that... it is a big deal for me. I mean... I'm going to confess this to you now, here, where I feel safe... it's a big problem for me." Of course, he was careful not to let on to her that, at the moment, it was she who was the object of his problematic libido.
They started to walk, side by side toward Bill's house and, as they did so, Bill began to tell Pat some of what had been plaguing him for years... regarding co-eds and their infatuations... and his temptations. He knew he couldn't tell her everything... certainly not about the temptation he'd felt toward her earlier... he had to be careful not to say anything that she'd take as a come-on... and so he wasn't sure how detailed he should get... especially about the weaknesses of his own flesh.
"It's been a struggle for me since I joined the faculty here five years ago. And... sometimes I think I've got it handled, but then something happens to shake my confidence. Like, tonight... uhm...."
Bill stopped. Pat was looking at him, warily... or was it eagerly? Shit! He was fucking up! He had to be more careful in choosing his words! He couldn’t say anything that would reveal to Pat his sexual attraction to her. There lay real danger!
No undergraduate had ever shaken Bill’s confidence in his ability to overcome his attraction to her; the taboo of having sex with undergrads was just too strong. But Pat was another story; she was a woman, a brilliant one, not some undergraduate bimbo half his age.
An idea struck him. He'd “illustrate” his problem by telling Pat about his attraction to some undergraduate filly, say Christine, and exaggerate it. This would disguise his attraction to Pat... and it would put her off... if it were true that she was having similar feelings about him. Sure, he'd try it.
"...uhm... I mean tonight at the party... did you see those girls who were all over me most of the evening?"
"Yes...?" Pat seemed perplexed, or was it disappointed? He wished he could read her better. There was something inscrutable about Pat, something that made it hard for Bill to penetrate (Oh God! Now he was thinking in double entendres)... to her feelings.
Bill decided to just continue and hope that Pat would soon realize that he was determined to steer away from any talk about their relationship beyond the professional level. "Well... this is hard for me... there was one of these girls ... uhm... Christine’s her name..."
Clearly unhappy about this, Pat asked, "The truly beautiful, tall one?””
He nodded, lowering his eyes to suggest embarrassment.
Pat smirked. “No need to say 'blonde,' is there? They all were. But I think I know which one you mean. The one who had you in her thrall after midnight?".
It was working! Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone this way. Pat and her razor-sharp mind could help him solve his little problem with Christine, and, in so doing, without her realizing it, she would also be helping to prevent them both — Pat and him — from making a big mistake!
"O.K. Pat. If it was that obvious, then I'm really in trouble this time. Look! Sure, I've been tempted before, but now I'm afraid I might succumb. No. I haven't slept with her... yet... but I'm really afraid that could happen... real soon. As you saw, I was smitten and she... it's been clear to me that she'd set her sights on seducing me the first moment she set foot in my class in September. Naturally, at first I totally ignored her transparent come-ons. I mean, as you know, I'm totally used to co-eds' infatuations with me and, I think I've become a kind of expert at redirecting this transference to more appropriate educational ends. Unfortunately, with Christine, it's precisely this route that led to tonight's close encounter with the ethical border of student-teacher relationships. It turns out that Christine is brilliant! Not only that, but her interest in last term's course was genuine and her work was filled with an integrity and energy I've never before… err… rarely encountered with any undergraduate, let alone a gorgeous blond nymphet of eighteen."
Of course, Bill knew he was really just disguising some of his feelings and thoughts about Pat, but he felt pretty sure she had no inkling that this was the case. Pat was anything but a gorgeous blond nymphet of eighteen!
Pat stopped walking and looked into Bill's face, "Boy, Bill, you are in trouble!"
Bill sighed and looked away, staring at the ground. Pat's comment had pierced his optimism of a second ago when he thought he was fooling her. She might be fooled, but he wasn't fooling himself, not one bit. He was in trouble... and not because of Christine, but because his feelings for Pat were deepening by the moment. "I know, Pat, I know," he murmured.
Bill looked up. The sky was brightening noticeably and the fog was beginning to lift. Glancing around, he realized that they were just a block from his house and that this conversation wasn't helping him at all. It was depressing him. Besides, he wanted to get inside the house before people could see them in the fast-approaching daylight. "Say, Pat, we're almost at my place... let's continue this conversation there, O.K.?"
Pat replied, simply, "Sure, Bill. Sure," and then fell silent, as Bill had done.
The two of them walked the final block to Bill's house in silence. They turned in at his front walk without Bill even raising his head to check to see if they were being watched by anyone. He was totally bummed out. Up the walk. Porch stairs. Front door, unlocked. Lights on all over the house. Odor of stale beer, cigarettes, and a trace of marijuana. No one there. Oh... yes. Someone passed out in Bill's reading chair. Carl Schofield. Snoring. Completely out cold.
Links
Sexual relations between college students and their teachers
The Beatles (Buy CDs of their albums)
Go to the next scene in Bill's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Bill, Scene 9 "What a Mess!"
Go to the previous scene in Bill's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Bill, Scene 7 "In a State of Confusion"
Go to a related scene
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 9 "The Enigma That is Bill"
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