Pat turned and walked out of the kitchen and into the main room just in time to catch a glimpse of Bill Samuels' legs ascending the front stairs. Unconsciously, she scanned the room. Christine, Bill’s latest beautiful blonde undergraduate acolyte, was nowhere to be seen. For a moment, she couldn’t help wondering if Christine was already upstairs in Bill’s bedroom, naked under the sheets, waiting for him. No! She knew Bill better than that. Over the years, he had become expert at remaining free of sexual entanglements with countless libidinous undergraduate groupies like Christine. He wouldn’t cave in now — now that he was so close to getting tenure — and certainly not in this nearly public setting.
Soundtrack: Sinnerman---Nina Simone
Yet, despite herself, Pat began imagining Bill and Christine in bed together. Almost immediately, she felt her own nipples harden and a tingle in her genitals, an insistent reminder of the sensations she’d experienced earlier when dancing with Jake. There was no doubt about it: she was horny. This was a brand new experience for her. For years, she’d barely thought of sex, and yet tonight it seemed as though she could think of little else.
Unfortunately, there was no one left at the party who interested her sexually, even remotely. There were just a bunch of drunken white sophomores, dancing ineptly, and, of course Carl, who never left a party as long as there was any alcohol remaining anywhere, even the dregs of beer left by others. He was gesturing wildly in argument with Luis, who, in stark contrast to his thoroughly drunk rad compatriot, stood tall, calm, sober, and strikingly handsome.
Strikingly handsome? What can you be thinking, Pat? You know that Luis is married and has a little baby! She sighed and put the fleeting fantasy of Luis out of her sex-addled head. She decided to just head home and call it a night. After all, she did have a full day of work on The Law School Journal ahead of her tomorrow, holiday or not. That much of what she had said to Jake was certainly true.
Pat located her coat in the dwindling pile in the parlor just off the main room and headed for the front door. But just as she reached it, she heard Luis’ voice calling out to her.
“Patreesia, let me walk you home. It is too late for a woman to be alone.”
Touched by Luis’ Latino chivalry or machismo, however one chose to view it, Pat responded, welcomingly, “Sure thing, Luis.”
Luis grabbed his jacket and scooted ahead of Pat to the door, which he held open for her with a gallant gesture that was at least half-serious.
The air outside was crisp and the sky was clear, so you could see thousands of stars. Pat and Luis walked slowly, looking up at the stars, silently, neither one speaking.
Gazing at the sky, Pat was awed by the immensity of the universe. She began to speculate about the likelihood of there being life on other planets in other solar systems in other galaxies. Almost certain. Then where were they? Were they less advanced than us? No. They couldn’t all be. Then where were the more advanced ones? Why hadn’t they made contact with us? Maybe they had and didn’t like what they saw. Maybe they were too far away to contact us, even for their more advanced communications and space-travel technology.
Pat’s thoughts were interrupted by Luis’ voice. “Patreesia?”
She liked the way Luis pronounced her name, like it was a Spanish name. “Hmm?” she responded, her mind still on the universe and its possible denizens.
They had stopped walking. Pat lowered her eyes from the sky and saw that they were standing in front of the Law School Single Women’s Residence where she lived. She noticed that Luis was looking at her kind of sheepishly. “Luis, what is it?” she said.
“I… I just wanted to kiss you good night.” Luis stammered. “But I… I… “
“Sure, Luis. Of course. I didn’t realize we were already at my place,” Pat responded, completely innocently.
She leaned up to give Luis a friendly peck on the cheek, but much to her surprise, he responded by putting his arms around her waist drawing her towards him, and fastening his mouth firmly on hers. She was too shocked to do or say anything at first, but when Luis’ tongue pushed its way into her mouth, she could no longer remain passive. She started to pull away from him, but then, for the second time that night, her body took over from her mind. A kind of warm, melting feeling began to spread outwards from her mouth down her neck into her chest, over her breasts, covering her abdomen, and finally settling into her genitals where the heat built up rapidly in intensity until she felt as though a powerful secret fire were burning there.
Despite herself, Pat found herself kissing Luis back, her tongue following his in and out of their mouths. She felt her body pushing into his, her hips wanting to…. My God! What was she doing? What was he doing? This was insane. The man was married. He had a baby, barely a year old. Pat wrenched away, out of Luis’ grasp.
“Luis!” she gasped.
“I know. I know. Patreesia I’m so sorry. I can’t help myself. I know how wrong this is, but I just have to tell you that I have been in love with you since the first day I saw you. I know it’s wrong, a sin. But how can I change the way I feel? I’ve tried. The Lord knows I’ve tried. I’ve tried alienating you in arguments. It didn’t work. I’ve tried confessing my sin to my priest. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’ve even considered telling my wife in the hope that by seeing how hurt she’d be, I’d be ashamed and it would stop how I feel. But I don’t have the courage to tell her and I’m sure it wouldn’t change how I feel in any case. And I am ashamed even without telling her, so what would telling her accomplish except to hurt her? So tonight, I decided, I would tell you… in the hope that you would reject me so totally that I would have no choice but to murder my feelings for you.”
“Oh Luis! Luis!” Pat exclaimed. This was horrible. It was unbearably painful for her to listen to.
“No, Patreesia. Please say nothing right now. I hoped you would reject me, and yet when I kissed you, you kissed me back and I felt my passion met by passion from you. I don’t know what to do. I must go now. I must consider what this means.”
“But Luis, I… “ Pat tried desperately to explain.
“No. Patreesia! No! Say nothing more to me.” And, at that, Luis ran off down the street.
Pat stood for a moment looking in the direction in which Luis had disappeared. She was beside herself. How could she have been so selfish as to allow her sexually aroused state from earlier in the evening cause her to lead Luis on? It was the cruelest thing she had ever done. She had to tell him that there could be nothing between them. She had tried to tell him just now, but he’d cut her off, preventing her from doing so. She’d tell him tomorrow. She couldn’t let the man suffer, thinking she reciprocated his feelings, and then tempt him to cheat on his wife. Not that she would ever consider sleeping with him, but she shouldn’t even let him imagine the possibility. Luis was a deeply spiritual person despite his leftist politics, a kind of liberation-theologist. To even contemplate committing adultery would be a terrible thing for him. Tomorrow, she’d call him and tell him.
Links
Nina Simone
Go to the next scene in Pat's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 6 "In Need of a Helping Hand"
Go to the previous scene in Pat's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 4 "Let's Fuck! Let's Fuck! Let's Fuck!"
Unfortunately, there was no one left at the party who interested her sexually, even remotely. There were just a bunch of drunken white sophomores, dancing ineptly, and, of course Carl, who never left a party as long as there was any alcohol remaining anywhere, even the dregs of beer left by others. He was gesturing wildly in argument with Luis, who, in stark contrast to his thoroughly drunk rad compatriot, stood tall, calm, sober, and strikingly handsome.
Strikingly handsome? What can you be thinking, Pat? You know that Luis is married and has a little baby! She sighed and put the fleeting fantasy of Luis out of her sex-addled head. She decided to just head home and call it a night. After all, she did have a full day of work on The Law School Journal ahead of her tomorrow, holiday or not. That much of what she had said to Jake was certainly true.
Pat located her coat in the dwindling pile in the parlor just off the main room and headed for the front door. But just as she reached it, she heard Luis’ voice calling out to her.
“Patreesia, let me walk you home. It is too late for a woman to be alone.”
Touched by Luis’ Latino chivalry or machismo, however one chose to view it, Pat responded, welcomingly, “Sure thing, Luis.”
Luis grabbed his jacket and scooted ahead of Pat to the door, which he held open for her with a gallant gesture that was at least half-serious.
The air outside was crisp and the sky was clear, so you could see thousands of stars. Pat and Luis walked slowly, looking up at the stars, silently, neither one speaking.
Gazing at the sky, Pat was awed by the immensity of the universe. She began to speculate about the likelihood of there being life on other planets in other solar systems in other galaxies. Almost certain. Then where were they? Were they less advanced than us? No. They couldn’t all be. Then where were the more advanced ones? Why hadn’t they made contact with us? Maybe they had and didn’t like what they saw. Maybe they were too far away to contact us, even for their more advanced communications and space-travel technology.
Pat’s thoughts were interrupted by Luis’ voice. “Patreesia?”
She liked the way Luis pronounced her name, like it was a Spanish name. “Hmm?” she responded, her mind still on the universe and its possible denizens.
They had stopped walking. Pat lowered her eyes from the sky and saw that they were standing in front of the Law School Single Women’s Residence where she lived. She noticed that Luis was looking at her kind of sheepishly. “Luis, what is it?” she said.
“I… I just wanted to kiss you good night.” Luis stammered. “But I… I… “
“Sure, Luis. Of course. I didn’t realize we were already at my place,” Pat responded, completely innocently.
She leaned up to give Luis a friendly peck on the cheek, but much to her surprise, he responded by putting his arms around her waist drawing her towards him, and fastening his mouth firmly on hers. She was too shocked to do or say anything at first, but when Luis’ tongue pushed its way into her mouth, she could no longer remain passive. She started to pull away from him, but then, for the second time that night, her body took over from her mind. A kind of warm, melting feeling began to spread outwards from her mouth down her neck into her chest, over her breasts, covering her abdomen, and finally settling into her genitals where the heat built up rapidly in intensity until she felt as though a powerful secret fire were burning there.
Despite herself, Pat found herself kissing Luis back, her tongue following his in and out of their mouths. She felt her body pushing into his, her hips wanting to…. My God! What was she doing? What was he doing? This was insane. The man was married. He had a baby, barely a year old. Pat wrenched away, out of Luis’ grasp.
“Luis!” she gasped.
“I know. I know. Patreesia I’m so sorry. I can’t help myself. I know how wrong this is, but I just have to tell you that I have been in love with you since the first day I saw you. I know it’s wrong, a sin. But how can I change the way I feel? I’ve tried. The Lord knows I’ve tried. I’ve tried alienating you in arguments. It didn’t work. I’ve tried confessing my sin to my priest. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’ve even considered telling my wife in the hope that by seeing how hurt she’d be, I’d be ashamed and it would stop how I feel. But I don’t have the courage to tell her and I’m sure it wouldn’t change how I feel in any case. And I am ashamed even without telling her, so what would telling her accomplish except to hurt her? So tonight, I decided, I would tell you… in the hope that you would reject me so totally that I would have no choice but to murder my feelings for you.”
“Oh Luis! Luis!” Pat exclaimed. This was horrible. It was unbearably painful for her to listen to.
“No, Patreesia. Please say nothing right now. I hoped you would reject me, and yet when I kissed you, you kissed me back and I felt my passion met by passion from you. I don’t know what to do. I must go now. I must consider what this means.”
“But Luis, I… “ Pat tried desperately to explain.
“No. Patreesia! No! Say nothing more to me.” And, at that, Luis ran off down the street.
Pat stood for a moment looking in the direction in which Luis had disappeared. She was beside herself. How could she have been so selfish as to allow her sexually aroused state from earlier in the evening cause her to lead Luis on? It was the cruelest thing she had ever done. She had to tell him that there could be nothing between them. She had tried to tell him just now, but he’d cut her off, preventing her from doing so. She’d tell him tomorrow. She couldn’t let the man suffer, thinking she reciprocated his feelings, and then tempt him to cheat on his wife. Not that she would ever consider sleeping with him, but she shouldn’t even let him imagine the possibility. Luis was a deeply spiritual person despite his leftist politics, a kind of liberation-theologist. To even contemplate committing adultery would be a terrible thing for him. Tomorrow, she’d call him and tell him.
Links
Nina Simone
Go to the next scene in Pat's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 6 "In Need of a Helping Hand"
Go to the previous scene in Pat's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 4 "Let's Fuck! Let's Fuck! Let's Fuck!"
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