New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 7 " An After Midnight Confession"

Soundtrack: Think---Aretha Franklin

Pat settled down onto the Naugahyde cushions of the couch with an embarrassing whoosh. Then, as she swivelled her hips to face Bill, her knees sort of grazed his outstretched legs. At even this slight bodily contact, Pat experienced a twinge of pleasure and once again felt warm all over. 

At the same time her body seemed to be responding to their physical proximity, her rational mind recognized how inappropriate her sexual response to Bill was. After all, she was still a student at the U and had taken classes from him just a couple of years ago when she’d been an undergraduate.

She had to break the atmosphere that was building, so she just blurted out " “Listen, Bill. I’d like to try to tell you what happened this evening...with me, that is. Thing is, though, I'm not certain, myself. I mean I know what happened, but I'm not really sure why it upset me so much.” Pat hesitated.

She knew this was all coming out as a rather incoherent jumble, but she figured that once she got started, she’d settle into a groove and things would become clearer…to herself as well as to Bill. “I better just tell you. I know this isn't making much sense to you, is it?"

Bill cracked a tentative smile, "Truthfully? No, it isn't. All I know is that you burst into my house, looking pretty shook up…and maybe even...uh...uhm...”

As Bill stammered out that last bit, Pat got the distinct impression that his eyes were scanning her body, which completely unnerved her. What was that all about? Was it possible that he too had gotten turned on by their accidental touch or perhaps her inadvertent flash of thigh?  No, it just couldn’t be. 

Then what? And what did he mean by “maybe even ...? Even what? Did Bill think she’d been assaulted or something? Now Pat glanced down to check out the condition of her blouse and skirt. No, she wasn’t the slightest bit disheveled. 

She decided to ignore Bill’s comment and eye-scan and to plunge on with her narrative. "O.K. Here's the story... and, I… well, maybe I over-reacted, but… well, anyway, a little earlier in the evening at your house, I was dancing up a sweat with Jake. You probably saw us. I mean we were really boogying down! So, after a while, we went into the kitchen to cool off and get a bite to eat, but instead Jake makes this pass at me. He just comes right out and says he wants to... uh... you know, uh... sleep with me... you know, right then. He suggests we go upstairs and do it... and, you know, he's totally serious about this and pretty insistent. Well, it freaks me out."

Bill’s face clouded over with concern and he began to interrupt . "Did Jake...?"

But Pat was on a roll. "No, Bill. The problem wasn't Jake; it was me. Listen, you don't know me that well on a personal level, but... I wasn't raised that way. I'm not making any judgments about what others should do. I'm just talking about myself. It's not that I'm a virgin or anything, but the few times I have had sex... and, I have to admit, it has only been a few times... well, it was with Juk...." 

Pat caught herself, mumbled a bit, and then went on, as if she hadn't started to reveal her past sexual history with Jukie "... uhm, with a guy I'd known for a long time and been real close to. So, anyway, when Jake came on to me, I kind of panicked. I didn't know what to say... because... uhm... I guess... uhm... I guess I was sort of flattered... you know that THE Jake DiAngelis was attracted to me... uhm... in that way."

Bill seemed surprised by this last admission, but Pat ignored his look and went on, rather breathlessly. "You know, though, I just couldn't do it. My conscience or something just wouldn't allow me to. So, I just told him ‘nothin’ doin’.”

Pat paused and looked at Bill; he was staring off into space. What was he thinking about? Was he even listening to her? "Bill... Bill... Bill! Hey... where are you?"

Bill’s eyes slowly shifted back to look at Pat. "Oh... uhm... sorry. It's just that something you said about Jake made me wonder about some of the people he might run into when he moves to the city... well anyway...that just set off a chain of thoughts that I'm afraid had nothing to do with you or your situation. I'm really sorry. Please go on."

Pat was genuinely miffed. It was as though Bill had totally forgotten how upset she had been. "Well... only if you really want to hear it. I mean, I don't want to impose my problems on you, if..."

Bill tried, rather lamely, to reassure her of his concern. "Oh Pat! No. It's not that! I do want to listen to you and to... uhm... help, if I can. It's just that it's late and I had quite a bit to drink earlier and I just kind of drifted off despite myself. Please... please do continue."

Pat wasn’t convinced, but she decided to proceed anyway, at least for a bit. "O.K. Well anyway, Jake was pretty surprised by my refusal; it was like no one had ever turned him down before, and I felt sort of badly for him, so I kind of...uhm... well you know, sort of made some excuses and, you know... said things like 'maybe another time,' and I..

.

Pat stopped herself. She realized that she wasn’t really telling Bill the truth… oh, she was recounting the words she’d spoken to Jake pretty accurately, but she was leaving a lot out and, more importantly, she wasn’t really being truthful about what she’d actually been feeling in the kitchen with Jake.

“Shit, Bill! I'm really full of shit!"

Bill seemed startled by Pat’s overly-broad admission, or perhaps by the vulgarity with which she expressed it; this was not a side of her that she usually revealed in mixed company and certainly had never done so with Bill.

"Want to elaborate?" he asked with feigned jocularity.

Pat laughed, nervously. "Well, not really... but I think I better make a clean breast of it or what'll be the use of my having told you all this?”

Now, grasping to express her own masked feelings, Pat continued, although haltingly. “I… uhm... I just realized as I was talking... I realized that the real truth is that, in a way… I guess I did want to sleep with Jake, and..."

There! She’d said it. It was true. Embarrassing but true. And Bill looked shocked at her admission.

"Does that surprise you?" Pat asked.

"No. Not really. Should it?" Bill responded, again unconvincingly.

"Well," Pat began, "earlier you seemed surprised that I would be attracted to Jake at all, and I guess I figured you thought that I was this super straight gal who was saving herself for Mr. Right and all and wouldn’t dream of having a one-night stand with a stud like Jake."

Bill chuckled a bit desperately. "Yes... well, that's true. I have always thought of you in that way."

Suddenly, Bill stood up and set down his soda can. "Pat, where's the nearest bathroom? I mean that men can use."

Pat laughed and responded with kidding sarcasm, "Hmm... tough one. There's a guest toilet on the first floor, near the living room. You could go there, but you might run into someone... and I guess that'd be awkward for you, wouldn't it? Then each floor's got a group bathroom with showers and toilet stalls. At this hour, most of them are probably empty. I could go out and check the one down the hall and then stand guard... what do you want to do?"

Bill didn’t answer; he seemed caught in a genuine dilemma. "Bill, which one? Downstairs guest bathroom or group bathroom on this floor?" Pat asked, now more seriously.

Bill answered with a complete and genuine deadpan. "I guess I'd better try the one downstairs. I think I'd have an easier time explaining my presence in the guest bathroom than in the girls' group bathroom."

Pat smiled at Bill’s almost comedic logic. "Sure, Bill. Let's go. I'll walk you down."

Links
Aretha Franklin 

Go to the next scene in Pat's story
New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 8 "What a Mess"

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New Year's Eve 1968: Pat, Scene 6 "In Need of a Helping Hand"